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你与哥大只差这篇出彩的文书

2019-03-29 14:19:32 来源:江博教育 作者:江博教育

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“吃货”一词已经成为三分28的日常调侃。也有不少出国党以吃做为留学文书的主题。但是如何才能“吃”的诱人、“吃”的雅致、“吃”出新意?本文是一个很好的范例。作者使用两种食物——燕麦圈和士力架——承载自己的个性和世界观。

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取材人间烟火,雄心步月登云。选材新颖自不必说,更难得的是能利用静态的文字调动起读者的感官。文章对两种食物的成分、结构、以及食用过程中呈现出的诱人形态的描写,足见作者对生活的入微观察。通过食物属性影射个人性格和人生选择,又足见其慧性灵心。不禁让人联想到英国诗人William Blake的那句“To see a world in a grain of sand; And a heaven in a wild flower”。

A Cheerio or a Snickers bar?

by Lee Chow

Drawing parallels between both Cheerios and Snickers bars and myself is no problem; I find both foods agreeable to my personality quirks. Pressure to select one, however, favors the chocolately Snickers bar over the wholesome Cheerios. The former’s multitude of ingredients, physical structure, and rise to fame bear a stronger resemblance to the circus of thoughts entertained in my mind.

Cheerios sports the healthier nutrition label; having this cereal’s “healthy, wholegrain” personality marks an untiringly responsible, straightforward individual content to live an ordinary life, free from wild excitement. The simpleton Cheerio, lacking the domineering clutter of flakes and raisins, connotes a humble and uncomplicated life. These qualities portray a very stable and worldly individual.

Snickers cannot compete with the nutritional “virtuosity” of its opponent but combatively wields wonder weapons of its own. The ingenious combination of Snickers’s detectable ingredients: chocolate, caramel, and peanuts, evokes strong sensations of pleasure in the blissful consumer.

The chocolate coating washes the restless soul like morning tides over a sun-baked sandcastle, problems and concerns reconciled with each passing mouthful. Likewise, my mind bears the task of extinguishing problems, my own and of others.

My imagination finds representation in the caramel, rich and flexible. Leisurely pulling each bite of Snickers from the origin and watching the gooey strands stretch their fullest, glistening in the light with sticky, sweet happiness, ensures maximum exposure of the golden luxury.

The highlight of my Snickers adventure lies largely in the present of the crunchy peanuts, sharp contrast to their creamy confectionery counterparts. These crispy hidden treasures rejuvenate my optimism and jocularity by replenishing my mind with imaginative ideas and perspectives. I also entertain the thought that the peanuts allude to my slightly nutty personality.

One may elect to analyze the physical structure of the two foods to draw additional comparisons; Cheerios sports the infallibly circular doughnut shape while the Snickers take on a more rectangular prismatic skeleton. Circles commonly serve as symbols of perfection and complete unity; presumably, the Cheerio’s circular shape as a representation of the personality of an individual implies a continuing contention for a life of perfection. Nevertheless, I do not care to fall victim to a life of endless struggle in achieving and maintain a state of utopia; I prefer the company of the natural, reliable, Snickers figure, so mundane and simple yet an ingeniously constructed idea; countless architectural structures utilize the strength and practicality of the rectangular prism.

The much famed Honey Nut Cheerio flaunts an attractive honeybee mascot; Snickers relies simply on rewards of its taste for promotion through the ambitious ladder of success. While the Cheerios are the more publicized and celebrated, Snickers has managed to make a name for itself through simple hard work and strife for excellent taste.

 

Although Cheerios embodies the qualities of the ideal and perfect individual, to possess such a resume of virtues leaves no room for improvement and consequently offers no fire for motivation. Thus I select the Snickers candy bar as the better representative of my personality.

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文书特点:

1. 虚实之间,穿插自然;

2. 跳跃式修辞,类比精妙,拟人灵动,寥寥数语,立扫千言;

3. 首尾呼应,逻辑通畅,形散神不散。

 

语言解析:

1. “parallels”仅一个词即表明我与“Cheerios”和“Snickers”并行不悖的关系。

2. “the circus of thoughts”:

  • “circus”将thoughts拟人化,很容易勾勒出作者热爱思考的形象。

  • “multitude of” 引出了Snickers的多个特点,句子结构上略显头重脚轻,但在语义上,“the circus of thoughts”维持了前后句的平衡。

3. sport: 此处用做动词,意为“得意地穿戴、夸示”。拟人的修辞,赋予Cheerios人的个性。

4. “simpleton”此处名词用作形容词,与“domineering”形成鲜明对比,分别将Cheerios和 Snickers拟人化,立刻使两种食物的不同属性凸显出来。 “humble”和“uncomplicated” 是对“simpleton”的进一步解释。

5. “virtuosity”本意为 “对精湛技艺/艺术品的追求”,此处将 “Cheerios”拟人化。

6. “opponent”, 替换新的代词指代“Snickers”,避免重复,又强调了“Cheerios”和“Snickers”的对立关系,生动有趣。

7. “detectable”使读者不禁联想舌尖与食物接触,层层咀嚼后,不同层次的味觉。

8. 用“wash”一词形容“coating”,既能感受到“coating”的动态感,又与 “tides”对仗,气势十足。

9. “problems”和“concerns”是对“coating”咀碎后给舌头带来的坎坷感的暗喻;但是与一般的暗喻不同,这里直接跨越到抽象的事物。

10. “stretch their fullest” 使抻咬时形成的糖丝仿佛有了生命一般。

11. nutty一语双关,既有“多坚果”又有“古怪”的意思。仅一个词便完成了从实体到抽象的类比,形象生动,简洁明了。

12. “circular doughnut shape”与“rectangular prismatic skeleton”形成视觉对比,寓意“perfect”与“struggle”两种人生;

13. “fall victim to...” “屈服于”。

14. “countless architectural structures” 从饮食跨到建筑,说明作者不止是一个“吃货”,他的思考贯穿于生活的多个方面。

15. “flaunt”再次将Cheerio拟人化,赋予食物以性格。

16. “ambitious”, 移位修辞,本应修饰的是Snickers,转而修饰 “ladder of success”。  

17. “make a name for itself”, “hard work”, “strife”依然是拟人的修辞,仿佛 “Snickers”是一个超级有事业心的奋斗者。

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